How I Overcame My Mental Health Battle
Two years ago, I endured the most difficult four month stretch of my early life. I had put myself through a ton of stress and anxiety, more so than I ever had before. I took 19 credit hours in college, way too much for anybody. As a part of those 19 credit hours, I was a sports reporter for the Kent Stater, Kent State’s student-ran newspaper, and even though it was a “class”, it was more of a part-time job.
Covering the Kent State Wrestling and Track and Field Teams as the Beat Reporter was rewarding and exciting, but it also put me through a lot of mental anxiety. There would be days where I wouldn’t put one bite of food in my mouth till 5 p.m. at night because I would work so hard on my reporting or other classes, along with my duties as an on-air host, Sports Coordinator and Web Coordinator at Black Squirrel Radio, KSU’s student-ran radio station.
Not only did I deal with the stress of school, but in March of 2019, I shockingly lost my cousin Adam to a drug overdose at 26. Me and Adam weren’t particularly close, but we always got along, and he was a great guy, despite his long battle with addiction. The combination of Adam’s sudden death and my insane amount of school work led to me having high blood pressure for the first time. My doctor told me it was just stress related, but I was worried my body was doing abnormal things. I promised myself after Adam’s death that I would change my life for the better.
I finished that spring 2019 semester and took the summer to reevaluate my life. I was promoted from Sports and Web Coordinator at BSR to Web Director. A Director’s position — unlike a Coordinator’s — was paid, meaning I became even more of a leader at the station. I also reconnected with two very good friends of mine that summer in Sophie Hudson and Molly Buckner. I had not seen either lady in a long time and being back together with them made me happy.
I lessened my class schedule back to a normal load of 15 credit hours for the fall of 2019, and even though my Web Director position was going ok that semester, I felt I could do a better job. I wrote about my turnaround in my final for my Feature Writing class that semester.
Now, here we are, two years later since that narrative was published, and I can proudly say I have never been so happy in my life! To prove it, I spent some time with the three people I interviewed for that story in 2019: Hudson, Buckner and my best friend who I have known for almost 15 years, Andrew Baca.
In journalism school, they say it is wrong to come out and say specifically that something is going to happen. Let the reader figure it out. For example, do not say, “This is (blank).”
I’ve always agreed with that sentiment… until today. I feel like this is the exception to that rule because there’s really no other way to say it, so here it goes: This is the story of how I bounced back from having one of the worst years of my life.
*Editor’s note: At this point, the narrative picks up where the original story ended. Please refer to the original story hyperlinked above.*
Once the fall 2019 semester concluded, I knew I wanted to re-run as BSR’s Web Director for the spring of 2020. Being new at a Director’s position, it took me a semester to figure out how to transition from a Coordinator to a Director, but by the end of fall 2019, I was starting to figure it out.
During the fall, I had five coordinator’s, which was the most amount of coordinator’s any BSR Director had. They were all retained from the previous Web Director Conor Battles — who was now the General Manager of the station. Managing five coordinators made assigning responsibilities and roles challenging, so I let go of three of the coordinators that were not holding up their end of the bargain.
With my other two coordinators, Jenn Noga and Rory Larrison, we rebuilt web into one of the strongest departments at the station. We recruited new people, we had great meetings every week, and I was getting to know Noga and Larrison on more of a personal level.
Everything was going great… that is until March 10, 2020.
I’ll never forget that Tuesday afternoon. It was a pleasantly warm day for early March, about 50 degrees. I went to class like it was a normal school day. I returned back to my dorm room — room 0115 in Leebrick Hall — at approximately 2:10. I checked my phone as soon as I got inside my room and saw the notification: Kent State was closing campus for the foreseeable future due to the coronavirus.
It was at this moment everything changed for me. The coronavirus was no longer something that was happening overseas. It was here, it was real, and it was here to stay.
With KSU sending us home for the foreseeable future, all of our staff meetings were cancelled, and the dorm rooms were closing, so I had to call my mother to come get me the next morning. I spent all night packing, thinking what else was going to happen in the world.
The next evening, the NBA became the first sports league to shut down due to the virus after Utah Jazz Center Rudy Gobert tested positive for the virus, and the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus as the COVID-19 pandemic. In the coming days, other sports leagues would suspend their season, and it was official: The world was on hold.
At first, I didn’t think I was going to know what to do with myself without sports, but I quickly adapted. I started watching more of my favorite YouTubers. I started writing about some of my favorite sitcoms, including Last Man Standing and Outmatched. I began to listen to more country music than I ever had before, and I found tons of new artists to listen to. Very quickly into the pandemic I realized something I never thought I would say: I DO NOT MISS SPORTS!
“I think COVID stopping the sports world was a great thing for you,” Hudson said. “It showed you there’s more to life than sports. You would get so caught up with the wins and losses that I think not having sports gave you a different perspective and kept your head on straight.”
When questioned about whether or not I’m still too emotionally invested in sports, my three friends gave three different answers.
Baca said sports still dominates our conversations, but they’re not all of the conversation.
“Before the pandemic, you probably talked about sports 95% of the time,” Baca said. “Post pandemic, I’ll bump it down to 75%, only because you’re still expanding your horizons. In the next year or two, I think it’ll drop down to 50%. You can see you’ve changed because two years ago we would not be talking about mental health.”
Buckner mentioned she’s glad I was able to meet new people and expand my interests.
“When we last talked, it was closer to 80%,” Bucker noted. “Now, It’s probably down to like 60%. You met people with different interests and now we actually can talk about other conversations.”
Hudson said she doesn’t remember the last time our conversation involved a sports team.
“Brandon, I have not gotten a text from you about sports or screaming about sports in I don’t even know how long!” Hudson told me. “I think that says a lot about how much you’ve calmed down.”
In April of 2020, I applied to become the General Manager of Black Squirrel Radio. Battles was graduating, and I felt I could handle the position. I did not receive the nod, but I reapplied to become the GM in October. I was named BSR’s General Manager for the spring 2021 semester on Oct. 30, 2020. I won’t bore you with all the details. If you want to read how I became the GM, and how BSR quickly became my home away from home, please read my farewell to BSR narrative I wrote for my final in my Advanced Magazine Writing class back in May.
Since graduating in May, I have been doing a ton of freelance work while looking for a full-time position in the journalism field. I currently work for BelieveLand Media — a startup media company focused on Cleveland sports. I co-host the ALL THINGS CAVS Podcast with my co-host Joey Schneider, and I write opinion based articles on the three professional Cleveland sports teams. I also freelance WWE articles here on Medium, and I produce, edit and host my own podcast titled Brandon’s World, continuing the show name from my days at BSR.
Baca said the pandemic opened my mind up to freelancing.
“A lot of the best journalists right now are freelancers, and you’re dabbling in that due to the pandemic,” Baca stated. “A couple years ago, you were against freelancing because you were so focused on getting a full-time job, and I think freelancing is great for you because there’s nothing better for a journalist than independently writing and editing your own stuff.”
At this time in 2019, I was writing about how I turned my life around after I endured a hellacious winter and spring of that year. Today, I am writing about how I have never been more personally happy in my life. Along with my freelancing roles, I have begun to hit the gym. I run on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes three to five days per week, and my body hasn’t felt this physically fit since 2016.
The reason? I believe it has something to do with the current state of my mental health.
Mental health affects everyone. According to nami.org, 20% of U.S. Americans are diagnosed with a mental health illness as of 2019.
In 2019, I knew something in my life needed to change, and I took the initiative to change my life. I changed my schedule. I changed my eating habits. I reunited with close friends. I did everything possible to change my life for the better.
Sometimes though, people battle much more critical illnesses, and they don’t know how to get the help they need. Buckner says the best thing you can do to improve your mental health is talk to friends.
“They’re more than likely going through some of the things you are,” she said. “Reach out to as many people you can. I’m a junior at Cleveland State University, and I’ve been talking to as many people as I can, and we create small talk that bonds us together.”
Hudson said she thinks of mental health as everyone’s own experiences.
“We are so unaware of what’s going on in other people’s lives, so we need to be more compassionate and patient,” she noted.
In 2018, Priority Group did a study of 1000 men on mental health. Out of those 1000, 77% said they suffered from a mental health illness. 40% said they will not talk about their mental health.
As the only male I interviewed for this narrative, I asked Baca whether or not he agrees that it’s hard for men to talk about their feelings.
“Men feel shame when it comes to mental health,” Baca added. “Yes, we’re trying to end the stigma, but men feel like they need to be tough and talking about feelings gives a stigma that they’re not tough.”
Recently, NFL players Lane Johnson and Calvin Ridley have missed time on the field due to mental health issues off the field. While the reaction has mostly been positive, there’s always a few naysayers out there that think athletes talking about mental health is bad for their image.
“It’s going to take more than a few NFL players to change the perception around mental health,” Baca stated. “We have to remember these guys are real people with real emotions and feelings. There’s always gonna be trolls on social media. They’re just trying to get likes. That’s the sh*t that nobody needs to be seeing.”
Hudson wants men to know that they are not alone in the mental health battle.
“We all have feelings,” Hudson said. “We all have those hard times. It breaks my heart that people feel they can not get the help they need. I know guys sometimes feel they need to be tough, and they feel it’s stupid to talk about their mental health, but it’s not stupid. Getting that help is so important because you don’t want to get to the point where you are depressed.”
The last two years there has been a lot of change in my life. I went through a pandemic in college and had to deal with a ton of moving parts and uncertainty. I went on a journey that showed me there’s more to life than the final score of a sports game.
Don’t get me wrong: I still love my Eagles football (and Browns!). I still scream and yell at the TV every game they play.
It just doesn’t consume my life or affect my emotions as much since COVID hit the world. If they lose, I’m not depressed for a whole week afterwards.
If one thing has stayed the same, it’s my positive attitude because of my work ethic and the support system I have. I’m proud to say I overcame my mental health battle.
To anybody reading this narrative, know that my story is only one of many. There’s still many Americans out there struggling with mental health right now that feel there’s no end in sight. However, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are not alone. We all go through our own struggles and battles each day.
By sharing my story of how I overcame the worst year of my life, I hope I provided you with some laughs and some hope that together — one day — we can live in a bully-free society where it is ok to share our feelings openly.
Thank you to my friends, family, listeners and readers. Without you, I would not be who I am today. A special thank you goes out to Hudson, Bucker and Baca, who graciously agreed to take time out of their busy schedules and sit down with me to discuss my growth and maturity, and the tough topic of mental health.
Click here to listen to the podcast that coincides with the story.
